Long time since I posted, but I have thought about it, albeit with far different subject matter.  This post is not a happy one.

[Just to add...I had a Facebook page, mainly for game related stuff, but I closed it a few weeks ago.   Social media is really not my thing and at times I even find it a bit creepy the lengths people go to to detail every little part of their lives for strangers.    Also, among other things I got fed up with friend requests from people I don't know, will never know and don't care to know.    Anyone who cares can find me here, my email if they already have it, or can send me a PM at the Nexus, the game modding site where I am still active, at least to lurk these days and to download mods.  My Nexus user name is in my mods section of this Blog.]

My best and only real friend and companion died today - 23th Dec 2018 - after being diagnosed with cancer, moderate associated anaemia and severe age related arthritis.  She was being managed on opiate pain meds and palliative measures.  I cared for her at home which was somewhat difficult at times due to my own ill health, but I was glad to do it.

Anyway, not going into details except to say the end came suddenly and even though she was very sick, unexpectedly.  It was  a very difficult experience and one I wouldn't want to repeat due to my own mobility problems, but I dug a grave and buried her under my orange tree.    


She wasn't human.  She was a dog, 11 years old this month, but gave me more love, companionship and loyalty than my own family who more often than not only were only available when they wanted something.  This is the last time I'll have a pet.  Been through this too many times over the years and it gets harder the older one gets.


Besides very distant family who are spread around the world and who I have zero connection to, I have two brothers and two nieces.   One brother is/was an alcoholic who does stupid stuff when he's drunk and when it's not received well, takes no responsibility for his actions.  He declared he would never speak to me again after one of these experiences.  The other brother is in a top level management job and is the worst snob who treats people like lower class, no matter who they are.  He has mental health issues as well, but he has absolutely no empathy for others.  Money and prestige before family.

I have no idea about my nieces.  What they are doing or where they are.  I have reached out a couple of times to my brothers over the past years, but nothing has come of it.   I can't honestly say I'm terribly sorry.  As the saying goes, you can't choose your family and I have less and less tolerance for drama and bullshit.

Writing this has been slightly cathartic in a way even though I'm not going into much detail as I could and might have, especially since I can tend to go on at length.  No point really as this post has a sense of finality about it.  Suffice to say I prefer the company of animals, and especially dogs, and cats, to humans any day.  They aren't deliberately cruel for sport or pleasure, or disloyal.  They love you for who you are, without expectations, in return for food and shelter and good care. 

Anyway,

Goodbye Bella.  You will be badly missed.  You kept me going through some very dark times so don't be surprised if I soon follow you to wherever you have alighted.  I just feel hollow right now.