Sunday, 1 May 2011

Cars and Other Things

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth having a car.  With the high yearly Registration Fees, Insurance, fuel, maintenance and many other costs, it's a money pit.   Never owned a house and I don't have kids, but a car has to come high on the list of high cost items especially when the warranty runs out.

My current car belonged to  my mother and when she passed several years ago, it was left to me.  I have to say though it has been very good and the only real costs have been a couple of new batteries, exhaust system replacement and the usual things.  Nothing major until recently.

The problem with this car is it has an anti theft system (not an alarm) which has a remote engine immobiliser and was fitted to the car by a previous owner, before my mother purchased it.  The only info on it comes in the form of a card saying how to arm and disarm it and how to start the car if the keys are lost with an Emergency Override Button.  (Note this bit in bold.)

This hasn't given me too many problems until the last eight months or so when it started not allowing me start the car as though the remote (I also have a spare) isn't turning off the system.  Sometimes it will start and others it won't.   I even bought a new battery a few months back because I thought it was part of the problem and in fact if I keep trying to start the damn thing it does run the risk of flattening the battery.  I had the ignition checked and the starter motor and there's nothing wrong with them.

The Auto Electrician I took it to says he's sure it's the immobiliser, but I should be able to start it with the Override Button which is supposedly hidden under the dash somewhere so one can hold the switch in and start the car at the same time.  I've been all over it with a fine tooth comb and cannot find a button, switch or any other kind of device that didn't come with the original wiring according to the car manual.

There isn't one, and on the little card it says it's optional.   Who in their right mind would have an "optional" override in case you can't get your own car started in an emergency or just for normal use.

Since the company who made it seems to have gone out of business and I can't find a shred of info on the type of anti theft system I have, AND that the electrician said it would be expensive to remove, I'm up the creek without a paddle.   So, now I'm unable to get out of the house except by taxi, which costs a fortune, so that will only be on grocery shopping day once a fortnight.  There's no bus service anywhere near me and I have no family (except in name only, but that's another story), my neighbours are a frail old man and a violent, scary guy and neither of them have a vehicle anyway.

This post started about my car, but it's just one more step in the downward depressive spiral that's always been my life.  Just now, and primarily for other reasons obviously than just the car, I'm finding it hard to care about anything.  

I know there are worse things happening in the world besides my problems and knowing that doesn't help, but it's dark in here just now.

I found this quote, (among others), on a website that fits me exactly.  
"A strong girl keeps her stuff in line and with tears running she still manages to spit the simple words, "I'm Fine."

That's me.  Outside always the strong one, inside fading away a bit more each day.   I've been down further than I am now and clawed my way out of the hole to some kind of fake normality, but then I had reason to.   Now, I don't know what each day has in store or how I'll feel when I wake up.  I do know I'm sick of being the one who does all the giving and getting nothing back.  I just wish someone would care about me for a change.  I've tried not being so accommodating and "nice' but it's just not me, and so the circle continues.

If you've ever been depressed you'll understand and I empathize with you.
If you haven't experienced true clinical depression and think it's all in the mind as I know a lot of people do, well you're right, it is, clinically not imaginary, but it's not something that's just cured by a couple of aspirin and a cup of tea. Until people have experienced it and know how crippling it can be, no-one can say it's imaginary.

I'm only saying that because I know of people who think that way.  They should hope they never have to go through it because it can happen to anyone at any time.

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